this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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