are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The air taste purple.
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