The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
