Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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