So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
