The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
