this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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