woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
