if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
