so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
