Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
