grandma shit on top of the toilet
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
