My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
