I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
