So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
