you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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