Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize