Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
