Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
