You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
