i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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