So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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