I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
