I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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