My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
