Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
