You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
