So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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