That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
