thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
