my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
