He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
