I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
