Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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