he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
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She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
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What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize