I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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