when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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