The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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