So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.