Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.