How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me