I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.