Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
