I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
