I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
