I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
ttyl tear gas
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
