she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
