textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
