just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
