And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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