Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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