i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
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I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
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I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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