You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
