You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
