I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize