it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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