And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
