so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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