i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize