dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
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