I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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