your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
