can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
