I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
