before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize